Whether or not it’s right or wrong we are going to have expectations. How often should we talk on the phone or on Skype? How often should we meet or go out? How often should we have sex? Is the sex good enough? There is so much pressure in relationships for everything to be perfect.

With expectation comes disappointment; eventually and always. Sometimes expectations are conscious but often they are subconscious. We respond in an automatic conditioned way. It’s hard to see how our partner doesn’t see it or do it the way we would! Disappointment can lead to resentment and then anger. If not addressed in a constructive way poor communication leads to worsening problems. It will stop just being an issue and become a problem and eventually a crisis.

There are often problems with communication breaking down. We have expectations about conflict, parenting, sex, alcohol consumption, gambling, vulnerability, dependence, illness and feelings of all kinds. How should we deal with arguments? We have expectation of ourselves, our children, our partners but also of our friends, colleagues and extended family. How do we cope with insecurity and jealousy? How do we cope with a new baby? What is the right work/life balance and how should we deal with the pressures of work?

How should we deal with the frustration of it all?

How we deal with things and when can be a ‘bone of contention’. How we prioritise and why we put things off is often an issue because of expectation. Putting things off is likely to be a problem in its own right. Avoiding discomfort in the short term will make it harder and the consequences worse in the future. Our personalities are all different. We just don’t get it when our partner does it differently.

Be in contact any time. Doing nothing should not be an option. Relationship counselling can help. We can do it with couples together, separately, telephone counselling or Skype counselling.