The problem is that we make New Year’s resolutions, Join a gym, or just expect things to be different or better.

This is more of a warning. The New Year can be dangerous for your relationship.

Expectations can be unreasonably high. Financial concerns or frustrations kick in when you receive all the bills after an expensive festive season which can be very stressful anyway. So much conflict in relationships manifests itself around money or sex (but that we can talk about elsewhere!)

The anti-climax can be depressing.

The problem is that we make New Year’s resolutions, Join a gym, or just expect things to be different or better. It usually doesn’t last. These things give us a boost for a while but quite quickly things go back to usual. Our initial optimism wavers. You may start to feel down before the end of the month. The danger is that we then may get frustrated with our partner and relationship because it’s not how we want it to be. It’s not perfect. We don’t know what to do about it. Disappointment turns to resentment and anger. The old issues resurface. They may feel even worse. You may start to re assess your lives and your relationship. We can become stuck very quickly and once it starts we can easily find evidence to reinforce what we already believe.

You have at least two months to go before spring! Winter is depressing sometimes.

As so often is the case the problem and the solution are about communication. Also, what are reasonable expectations? Are we able to bear the limitations?  Because we get into such bad habits we get stuck and find it very hard to change the way we see things and accept that our partner sees them a different way. It’s hard not to think in ‘wrongs and rights’, ‘shoulds and should not’s’ and if onlys!

Acceptance of the limitations is hard. If you can’t, you can’t!  You will need help to step back and get a better perspective. Maybe it would be good to talk together and or separately to an objective professional. Please be in touch.